POINTERS FOR PARENTS
HELPFUL:
Accept your child's feelings. Allow them to grieve in their own
way and encourage the expression of feelings.
NOT
HELPFUL:
Don't judge. Don't tell them not to cry, or suggest they be
strong. Their loss needs to be recognized.
HELPFUL:
Work on your own grief. Express sadness anger and frustration.
Parents and children may be drawn together by sharing each other's grief.
NOT
HELPFUL:
Don't keep feelings to yourself. Withholding your emotions from
the rest of the family may inhibit others.
HELPFUL:
Spend time regularly with each child. This will offer assurance
that they are loved. Show them that they are as important as the lost sibling.
NOT
HELPFUL:
Don't avoid them. This will make them feel rejected and
abandoned. Don't make them feel that they have become a burden.
HELPFUL:
Find healthy ways to remember your loved one. There are ways to
cherish their memory. Some suggestions would be writing down memories in a journal,
organizing photos in a special album, or framing special artwork or writings.
NOT
HELPFUL:
Don't take down family pictures. This may be interpreted by the
sibling as a loss of family and may be devastating.
HELPFUL:
Each child needs individual acceptance. Try and nurture their own
identity.
NOT
HELPFUL:
Don't compare the lost child to the living child. It could lead
them in thinking they can't measure up.
HELPFUL:
Get help. Getting outside help may make it easier for them to
communicate.
NOT
HELPFUL:
Don't limit their space. This may happen if you feel a great need
to be over protective.
KEEP IN MIND
Not all suggestions given here may apply to your family. Please
use what is helpful. Each persons experience is not quite the same.
Your bereavement may be no easier and the problems no less real,
perhaps even harder. The grieving process takes much longer than people realize.
Grief is very stressful. For your own sake and for the sake of
others, care for yourself. Try to eat properly and exercise. Exercise can reduce
depression and relieves stress better than medication.
A BRIEF NOTE FROM DICK
If medication becomes necessary, consider asking your doctor about the many fine
herbal products that are available as an alternative; examples are Saint John's Wort,
Valerian, Kava Kava. When using herbal products please contact your physician or
naturopathic practitioner first.
The experience of being a surviving sibling will always be with
you. Sibling Survivors are sometimes referred to as the "Forgotten Mourners."
Hopefully by expressing your feelings can change that.
SIBLING SUPPORT
Grief does not just go away with time, you have to work through
it. One of the most important things you can do is connect with a person or group with
whom you can talk freely. In the Resources section, of our website we have posted numerous
hot links to organizations that can provide the help that we each need.
This information is reproduced with permission from the brochure
Sibling Grief "The forgotten Mourners" by Parents of Murdered Children;
Cincinnati, Ohio. For more information contact POMC at (888)818-POMC or click on the
hotlink below or on our Resources Page.
