11/17/97 - 12/2/98

MADISON  BIERLING

From the first ultrasound, at six weeks gestation, I was in love. This little baby - sexless to us- was what our lives revolved around. When she was finally delivered, 11/17/97, I found that I never knew what my capacity for happiness and love was before 3:11 pm. Throughout this last year there have been many repetitions of that moment - an Epiphany of sorts, in this emotionless world. Madison slept through the night for the first time last Christmas eve. She rolled over around valentine's day. By Easter she was pushing herself up, and she was crawling in June. She took her first steps October 3rd, hesitant at the beginning - constantly looking up to her father or I for a helping hand. By her first birthday she was tooling around like a pro. The pure, unadulterated love that goes between a parent and child is immense. She would hang on my leg if she sensed I was too far away, or hold up her arms, waiting to be picked up. Her smile and tiny voice started my day and brought it to a close.

On the morning of 12/1/98, I took her to the sitter, like any other working day. Our sitter was a trusted, long time, family friend - related by marriage in fact. We felt that this was a much better situation, than a day-care. At 2:11 am on 12/2, my daughter was dead - with a fractured skull, major brain displacement, and a battered body. The sitter is presently out on ten thousand dollars bail. Imagine that, ten thousand dollars for murder. If it had been an adult bail might not have even been a question. Now comes the hard part I've been told - the trial, etc. Nothing will ever bring back my child, or fill the empty spot in my heart. But I must question a justice system that allows a killer to be home for the holiday's with her child...