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About Domestic Violence Page
Domestic Violence Resources Page
Into The Light: A Guide for Battered Women
Linda Meyer
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NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
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(800)799-7233
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to the NDVH website bu clicking their logo below.
This is
a great site for victims of Domestic Violence in need of information and
resources.
VICTIM OR SURVIVOR?
What's the difference between a victim
and a survivor? Victims allow themselves to be victims while survivors have the will power
to say enough is enough. I chose to make the change. Four years ago I made the terrifying
decision to change from being a victim to becoming a survivor. My path had been one of
extreme physical and mental abuse and a complete absence of self-esteem; it was a one way
road to an early grave in the local cemetery.
DOMESTIC
ABUSE:
Domestic is devastating and can break you
down unless you say no and make the decision to seek help. It is a frightening step,
fraught with uncertainty, and is not an easy step. Like every journey though, this one can
only begin with the first step. With support and help from other domestic violence victims,
friends, family and sensitive experienced professionals you can make your way along the
path of progress; through a process that will be more difficult than covering up the
bruises and the terror left by your attacker. In the long run though, you will be much
happier and will eventually find the love that each and every one of us deserves.
Please read the information on my page they are writings shared from my past. It is a
story of being victimized and it leads to my recovery and the ultimate discovery that I am
now a survivor. I would like you to know if there is any way that I can be of help, I'm
always available and will respond as quickly as possible. Please make my e-mail address
below a part of your path to recovery.
The
important first step . . . The Breakup
Setting up Domestic
Violence Support Groups
If you need help and can't find a resource
here or on our other pages please e-mail us and we
will help if possible. Please include the type of crime and location [city and state]
where you need the help and we will respond as quickly as possible.
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Please help combat Domestic
Violence by donating your unused or old cell phones. Please click on either of
the links below to learn how.
Thank you
-
Return to Victim Front Page
BIOGRAPHY
Ten years ago as a
freshman in high school I met a guy I would later realize was nothing but a boy. He was so
charming and nice. Someone who was really exciting and fun to be with.
We did everything together
and things were very good for about six months. By the sixth month things started going
crazy when he wanted me to quit the cheerleading squad because it took too much of my
time. I dismissed it then as many years later. I passed it off, making excuses for him;
like he wanted more of my time.
He wanted to know all of
my friends. He wanted me to go out with him and his friends only. He insisted on knowing
what I was doing all the time. He would watch me closely, to see who I was talking to;
then he would interrogate me to find out what we were talking about. If I was talking to a
guy, it was even worse. He would check to be sure that I was in class. I knew this was
strange behavior but I loved him so accepted it. It was as though things were good only if
he was in control. Aside from these drawbacks, we did have some good times, laughed and
talked a lot about the future.
Things changed little
until a year into our relationship. I was in summer school at the time. When he arrived to
pick me up, I was talking to one of my classmates who happened to be a guy. When I got
into the truck and he started interrogating me. Then he accused me of trying to sleep with
that classmate. Before I knew it he had backhanded me so hard in the mouth that my braces
were stuck in my lip. Bleeding so heavily, I had to open the door and spit before I could
get the brace out of my lip. At that moment I wanted the relationship to be over.
He cried and said he was
sorry and promised that he would never do it again; he refused to take me home until I
said that I wouldn't tell anyone and that we would try to work it out the problems. I was
in love with him though (or so I thought) so I agreed.
I explained the fat lip
with a lie that we were wrestling and he elbowed me in the mouth, this was the story that
I told everyone; family, friends, and others. Simple fact though, was that I blamed
myself. I shouldn't have been talking to someone else . . . he loved me and that was all I
needed.
For the next couple of
months things were better but I was terrified of him when we would have fights. I had to
walked on egg shells when we argued daring not to say anything that would make him mad. We
would play fight now and then; he would hit my arms and legs so hard that I always had
bruises. When we would get into verbal disagreements he would call me nasty names like
bitch, slut and anything else that came to mind.
He chipped away at my
self-esteem until I had none. Without much self-confidence I was trapped and wouldn't
leave. He kept apologizing and promising that it would never happen again. I think I heard
those empty words and promises more than any others. However, nothing ever changed until
one day when he broke up with me.
After the breakup though,
he continued watching me every time I turned around; he would even follow me when I went
places with my friends. I had heard that he wanted to get back together but I wasn't sure
that I could take anymore of his outrageous behavior so I stayed away. I avoided him and
the phone calls.
On a date with another
friend I noticed that he followed us, watching our every move. The following day at school
he grabbed me in the hallway and slammed me against the wall. Then put his hands around my
throat and picked me off the floor by my neck. As usual, after the violent attack, he said
that he was the only one that loved. He promised that it wouldn't happen again then added
that should be together and needed to stop being stupid.
As with so many domestic
violence victims I took him back but nothing changed. My love for him weakened me and
repeatedly, I accepted his excuses and apologies. By the third year he started using drugs
and the resulting mood swings were troubling hadn't hit me for some time. I thought
everything might be OK. However, the verbal abuse continued; he wouldn't let me wear
certain clothes, like stretch pants, they showed too much, and tight shirts still played
rough on the bruises that never seemed to heal but they were replaced with new ones and my
heart had enough bruises too. He broke off the relationship so often that it became an art
form; but . . . I always took him back; I think he was my security blanket.
In my senior year he had
graduated and we had been together for four years when I found out from a classmate that
he was cheating on me with her. Needless to say I was very upset. After I got out of
school, I confronted him. We got into a big fight screaming and yelling I pushed him and
he threw me on the bed and hit me in the eye and cheekbone area. I saw black for a few
moments. This time though was unlike any other from our past. My face was throbbing and I
could feel the instant swelling. I delayed going home till late to avoid my mother. The
next day, my cosmetology class the teacher took me to the office. There she told me that
if she ever saw bruises again, she would tell my mother.
She helped me hide the
black and blue marks for a couple of days but more importantly she probably saved my life
that day and I knew that the relationship was over. Her words and promises scared me
enough to make me leave him. I was embarrassed because of the years I had wasted, the lies
to cover for him, to hide what really happened.
I had let someone hurt me
very badly, I allowed him to put his hands on me but most of all, I had allowed him to rob
me of my self-esteem, self confidence and my happiness.
This is only some of what
I went through but it is very important to me that you are not alone and that it is all
right to ask for help.
I can help if you take the
first step and e-mail me.
Return to TOP of page
THE BREAKUP
The first and
probably the hardest step you must take on the road to recovery is the breakup. It will
take strength and courage to say NO YOU HAVE HURT ME ENOUGH. You must turn a resistive but
deaf ear toward your partner when he says, " I'm sorry. It will never happen again. I
love you more than anything and I'll do anything for you to take me back. I would rather
die than to be without you."
These are burdensome
words. Words that you have heard many times before. They weigh you down and lead you back
to their domination and their abuse. You have taken yourself from their influence and they
want that control back. You have said no . . . and your future is in your own hands not
theirs . . . and THEY DON'T LIKE IT . . . one bit.
What I have found in these
situations and from listening to those of others stories is that it is all about control.
You must control your own life . . . but you need to take that away from the abuser. It is
important that you come to realize that it is your life and your destiny and it is yours
to control. Be strong, positive, and assertive as you pick up the pieces of what is left
of you and your heart and start putting them back together. I time, you will realize a
growth you never thought possible it is your right, work with it.
As domestic Violence
Victims, we loose confidence and self-esteem.
WE DO
MATTER . . . WE DESERVE MUCH BETTER
My words will lead you
along the path of recovery and can help you put your life back together but you need to
know as you deal with what you have been through is that you are SPECIAL and that all
relationships are not like this one.
SUPPORT AND HELP
The following three links will take you
directly to our resources pages where you will find our resources for help and support for
all victims and survivors.
SOUTHERN
SECURITY CONSULTANTS
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This page last updated
March 22, 2008
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